Three Month Reflection Series
30 Sunday Nov 2014
Posted Reflections
in30 Sunday Nov 2014
Posted Reflections
in26 Wednesday Nov 2014
Posted Philosophy of Exchange
inTags
Christ, Christianity, Culture Shock, Exchange, Exchange student, God, Joy
The struggle to submit…is not a struggle to submit but a struggle to accept and with passion. I mean, possibly, with joy. Picture me with my ground teeth stalking joy- fully armed too as it’s a dangerous quest. – Flannery O’Connor
I’m sniffling in my room, stuck with a constant cold and an upset stomach, hands shaking from cold even though I’m wrapped in three blankets. Welcome to November, the infamous month of exchange student homesickness. I’m not immune. Life here has lost its initial charm. The words used to describe my current adjustment phase on graphs of culture shock are “disintegration” or “frustration.” Those two words do an excellent job of summarizing most of my experiences this month.
What am I doing here? The thought crosses my mind almost every day now. I can still list the reasons why I wanted to come to Morocco, but now it’s cold, and I would kill to drink hot tea and read a book in my room in the US. My life here feels mundane, unimportant, mostly boring. And many days, I’m not particularly happy or enchanted with the culture I’ve landed myself in.
In the middle of the mundanity, I constantly remind myself that it ‘s okay to not know what I’m doing here. Every day I’m allowed to rediscover my purpose, in the small conversations and successes. But more than that, regardless of what I’m doing or where I am, I can be joyful.
I’m using the word joy in a specific sense here, one that transcends the idea of happiness. Happiness is a feeling, one contingent on surroundings. Joy is an objective condition, deeper than emotions, based on the reality that Jesus has conquered sin and is redeeming the world. Joy stems from God.
I think it’s important to explain this, because there is no idea more fitting for my time here than that I can be joyful no matter what my circumstances. This is at the center of my exchange, this idea of joy. It’s not just an abstract concept, stemming from some other reality, but a physical, present daily experience. As Francis Schaeffer puts it in True Spirituality, “it is a moment-by-moment, increasing, experiential relationship to Christ and to the whole Trinity.”
Experiencing this joy is not a passive event. I fight for it, day by day. I fight to find God’s redemption in my sickness, God’s work in my school, God’s presence in the long walk home in the rain. This is why I love Flannery O’Connor’s image: “picture me with my ground teeth stalking joy- fully armed too as it’s a dangerous quest.”
22 Saturday Nov 2014
Posted Philosophy of Exchange
inI’m sitting on my bedroom floor, surrounded by suitcases, books, and papers. It feels like I’m back in America, packing for my year abroad. But instead I’m doing something I didn’t anticipate doing. I’m switching host families.
Now I’m in my new room, looking out at a new view, sitting on a new bed, plotting how to arrange my books and organize my clothes. It feels like the beginning of September, when walking around my host family’s house took courage and sitting on their couch was an awkward exercise in seeing how little of my body could touch the cushions.
Have I gone back to the beginning of my exchange? Has my switch negated the past two months? Sometimes, I think so. When I’m walking with the other YES students, hearing about their plans with their host families over the vacation or a funny conversation they had last night, I feel behind. I feel guilty that it didn’t work out the first time. I feel like a failure, like I somehow didn’t try hard enough.
The last two months were difficult. Switching was difficult. Starting over is difficult. It’s hard to summarize something I’ve learned, one lesson to take away. I’m left only with a basket full of memories, memories that make me laugh until I’m crying, because whether they’re uncomfortable memories or sweet ones, I got through those days. I’m stronger for having lived them, because they tested me, my patience, my kindness, my strength, my endurance. So even if I’m behind now, I’m not starting over. I’m building on what I learned the first time. I made mistakes, sure, but now I can look forward. I’ll continue to make mistakes, and I’ll continue to laugh, and in the end, I’ll continue to grow.
14 Friday Nov 2014
Posted Descriptions of Morocco
inTags
Culture, Exchange, Exchange student, Middle Atlas, Morocco, Mountains, Travel, Trip
This gallery contains 8 photos.
Last week, I went on my first group trip with YES Abroad to the Middle Atlas Mountains. We spent one …